Clash of the Continents: 1st Installment

Presented below for your reading pleasure is a subjective comparison of certain aspects of daily life in America and Europe.  I hope to make these comparisons a monthly or bi-monthly post as more topics are brought to my attention. Also, keep in mind these are subjective, so if I step on your toes or you disagree, then you're wrong. A post on my trip to Luxembourg will be up later.

Things America got right:

Bathrooms – Let’s get this out of the way now. Charging people to use a public restroom is annoying and sadistic. Also, how does the restroom attendant describe his job to his friends? For everyone’s sake, I hope they work in a shift cycle with other public employees. I would hate for a stranger to learn my potty schedule because he is a tenured bathroom guardian.

Music – Apparently. I hate Rihanna, Beiber, and the Black Eyed Peas like any red-blooded American should. Much to my dismay, Europe’s musical tastes mirror that of an American high school girl. All public places, including bars, clubs, metros, and restaurants, play American top-40 music. Perhaps this belongs more under “Things Europe got horribly wrong.”

Restaurant Prices – Eating out in America isn’t cheap, but European restaurants seem to think their food is made entirely from caviar and unicorn kisses. As much as I’d love to drop the equivalent of $30 on a meal regularly, it’s just not cost effective. And most of the sit down restaurants here require at least that much, plus drinks (more on that later). However tip is included which is a plus. Another positive side effect is it forces us to cook, which is both beneficial in the long run and phenomenally dangerous in the now run.

Drinks – Drinks here means all beverages, alcoholic or otherwise. First off, they’re expensive and asking for free refills will get you a dirty look at best and a hearty derisive laugh at worst. Secondly, we’re already getting cheated those 25 milliliters because of the conversion from 12 ounces to 33 centiliters (you better believe I calculated!). Many bottles only contain 25 centiliters. And thirdly, there is no thirdly. I’m willing to excuse the whole carbonated water thing because it’s cultural, but if you’re going to charge me $3 and surprise me with gassy water then (insert fart joke here).

Weather – I swear all of Europe is a rainy, bleak mess right now, with very few exceptions. As much as I usually love rainy, bleak messes, it’s a bit daunting to know that this trend is continent-wide and there’s little to no chance of escape until spring. And South Carolina gets snow while Brussels gets none, despite being hundreds of miles farther south? Shenanigans.

Things Europe got right:

Windows – How America let Europe get so far ahead in window engineering baffles me. These things don’t slide up and down like some archaic Tangram puzzle. They open in and out in a smooth and quiet manner. They can be opened a variety of distances. They’re larger and less obstructed. They allow me to sit on the window ledge and stare without a screen or white crossbar getting in the way. I may be in love. Or a feline.

Churches – I like renovated warehouses of worship enough. But the cathedrals here are just amazing. And it seems like every town has at least one or two very impressive stone churches. I’m actually pretty fond of churches (more so when they’re empty) and I could easily see myself blowing a day just hanging out in a few of them around Brussels. Plus, church names are much more intimidating when you can’t understand what they mean. Basilique Nationale du Sacré-Cœur sounds like the national venomous reptile from the Belgian badlands, whereas Second Baptist Church sounds like the runner-up to First Baptist Church in the Christian Coalition Chili Cook-off.

University – Apparently university is only 800 Euros a semester or so, not including any scholarships. The catch is, you have to survive the rigorous first two years. That sounds easy to some of you, but it’s a trap. You’d be surprised how difficult even menial tasks are when there’s heaps of cheap beer available to anyone that looks like they could have passed the 3^rd grade.

Sales Tax – It may be higher here, but it’s included in the price on the tag. Thank you! The American system is flamingly idiotic. If the same people who can’t finish La Sagrada Familia after over 100 years can be bothered to calculate and include tax in prices, you know America was hitting the Patriotic Punch a little too hard when it came time to decide on how costs would be displayed.

Beer – Obvious. Even the cheapest Jupiler or Maes here trumps some of the mid-level American stuff. I will admit, I sometimes miss a good Blue Moon, but when the supermarkets are practically throwing Stella Artois at you, it’s hard to get too upset. Plus, everything is higher percentage, so you don’t feel obligated to drink more than one (or something like that.) Hooray beer.