On Having a House Sailor (A Hoedown)

For those of you who have never seen Whose Line is it Anyway, or need a refresher course, please consult THIS link for the cadence of the hoedown.

When I was a House Elf, things were really nice

Rachel had good dishes, sharp knives and clean ice

I didn’t understand how great it was up there

Now down here in Clemson, I’m pulling out my hair

Our kitchen here in Clemson, in comparison is lacking

We’re missing lots of cookware and the counter top is cracking

Once I flooded the whole thing, it was really urgent

Where I should have put Finish®, I put laundry detergent

Well, as you know, Rachel came to see me

She said she’d be domestic, that would really please me

Little did she know, we live in the Dark Ages

Cooking here requires the wands of three Arch Mages

Impressively, though, she pulled it all off!

Chicken sliders, crescent rolls, and cold beer to quaff!

It was so delicious, but there was one mistake

We learned that candy corn does not like to bake

So far, so good on having a House Sailor

It’s been so much fun, I’ve needed an inhaler!

We’ve seen movies, we’ve gone rowing, and won trivia

In one month, our team has earned more than Bolivia

Tonight, what joy, Rachel’s brother will arrive!

Little does he know how she and I connive!

He’s bringing a lady friend, her first time in Clemson

She seems really nice, but can she out-drink an Ensign?

Only time will tell how this will all turn out

The football game, I do proclaim, should be a rout

But there is one thing that I will say for sure

Introducing novice and girlfriends, just like this line, can at times be awkward

The moral of the story is House Sailors are great

They cook for you, are tons of fun, and know how to date

There is one secret, but I’ll say it to myself

Having a House Sailor beats being a House Elf